It’s the first day of March, the month where I planned to focus on finances and saving money. However, I’m going to postpone that in order to touch on something that has been weighing on my heart. Just a few short days ago, a local news report released the identities in a tragedy of domestic violence that ended in murder-suicide. I couldn’t believe my eyes. The victim and the perpetrator were in my college circle of friends. The article looked surreal, like some sort of fake news. When you see a tragic news report with faces of people you once knew, the feeling is indescribable. Absolutely heartbreaking.
I have to admit that I’ve heard of love languages, but I never thought a lot about them. Honestly, the concept sounded kind of gimmicky to me. In a nutshell, the idea is that there are five love languages as follows:
This love language thrives on gifts given in thoughtfulness. Giving the perfect gift lets a person with this love language to know you really know them.
This love language requires undivided attention. Giving your all without distractions is very important to a person with this love language.
This love language is all about being touchy-feely with their partner. Hugs, kisses, caresses, and even holding hands excites a person who speaks this love language.
Words of Affirmation
A person with this love language wants to hear compliments and loving positive words about himself/herself. This person needs to hear what you love about them and why.
Acts of Service
This love language is all about showing that you care by being thoughtful and helpful. A person with this love language feels happiest when their partner keeps commitments, helps with workloads, and serves others.
When I decided to focus on love for the month of February, I figured it wouldn’t hurt to look into my love language and my husband’s love language too! I took a quiz found here, where you receive a score in each love language, with 12 being the highest.
Getting personal again today. I’m so thankful for my husband and our relationship. We’ve been together since our late teen years. And since we started dating so young, we’ve had to navigate the ins and outs of life together. We’ve always loved each other, but our relationship hasn’t always been a walk in the park. Soon after getting married, our stresses piled up quickly. It was one of the most trying times in our relationship.
Emotions. Everyone deals with them differently. I can assure you that handling my emotions is not my strong point. Growing up, I wore my heart on my sleeve, as they say. I cried whenever someone hurt my feelings. Wherever I was, whatever I was doing. It didn’t matter. If someone said something that upset me, I would cry. I remember my dad telling me multiple times that he didn’t know how I would survive the real world if everything upset me so much.
He was right in that it was hard. I remember my first job, waitressing. One night, another waiter made a comment that really struck me. I remember crying nonstop while cleaning up that night. I was completely unable to control my emotions.
It wasn’t just sadness that sent me over the edge. It was anger too. I vividly remember putting my hands around another little girl’s neck in anger when I was 6. I remember the look in her eyes, and I let go, scared of myself. That incident has stayed with me throughout my life, and I can’t type it without feeling intense shame. How easy it is to be an animal rather than a caring human being. Continue reading “I Get So Emotional, Baby…”
My husband and I have been together 15 years, and we still don’t know everything there is about relationships. Life changes pretty quickly and often, so we continue to learn and adjust to these changes together. No matter the current life situation, there are a few things that we both make a point NOT to do. These types of things work to push us apart rather than together. If you make a habit of doing these things in your relationship, eventually that divide between you and your spouse will grow to where it can’t be bridged. Of course, we are only human, and sometimes we do things that push our spouses away. However actively trying not to do them helps to minimize how often these divides occur! Continue reading “5 Things to Stop Doing to Better Your Relationship”
I remember fondly the days of deciding which Valentine to give to which classmate in grade school. I vividly remember wanting to give Kevin a store-bought Valentine that explained my secret love for him. It was a very trying process. I couldn’t go too casual, and I couldn’t be too forward. The fine line we toe in life between sharing our true feelings and fearing rejection starts early.
Two of my little girls are giving out cards to their classmates this year. My middle child is just four. I don’t think she has any inkling of concern as to whether the message on the card is perfect for the intended recipient. However, I wonder if my first grader will ponder over each message to find the perfect one for her little crush.
Just a few years ago, I thought to myself, “Oh, I have a great idea! My husband and I will go on a fancy vacation for our 10 year anniversary!!! We’ll leave the children with grandparents for a few days. It will be like a second honeymoon. We’ll sleep and eat and do whatever WE want to do on some luxurious island beach. It will be glorious.”
Well, this is the year, folks! This year marks 10 years of marriage and 15 years of being a couple! And we booked a trip to occur right smack on our dating anniversary.
In this season of life, my husband and I have a hard time going on dates as a couple outside the home for three main reasons.
- We have young children with particular bedtime routines. A change in routine can throw them off for days, so we try to keep things consistent as much as possible.
- We don’t live close enough to either set of our parents to ask them to babysit, and we don’t have a regular babysitter.
- Even if we had a great babysitter on call, the price of having a babysitter eats into what we feel comfortable spending on a date. Expenses get out of hand quickly!
So what are we to do? First, we take advantage of grandparents when we can. Second, we plan at home dates!
Yesterday, I shared WHY strengthening my marriage is an important goal for me. However, finding the time and energy to invest in marriage is not an easy task.
We are stretched thin between career aspirations, work responsibilities, household obligations, parenting duties, commutes, friendships, and general media consumption. It is incredibly easy to get too comfortable in our marriages and take them for granted.
Giving our marriages our full attention requires effort. I want my husband to feel cared for, loved, respected, understood, and validated. He is irreplaceable in my heart, and I want that to be clear on a daily basis.
Alright, let’s dive right in today with a serious truth.
We have a limited amount of time in our current bodies.
Death is one of the few certainties in life, and we usually don’t have a say in when our time comes. This fact can overwhelm and scare us at times. However, we also can use it as a reminder to figure out what’s important to us and focus on those things.